I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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