You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
