i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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