Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize