Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
