UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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