I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize