I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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