It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
