What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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