Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
