I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The uberlube is also flammable
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
