Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
there is glitter all over my balls
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