You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
