We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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