Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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