i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
