people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
