Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize