and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
