Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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