if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I touched a dick in church today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
