My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
