I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
