A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
