i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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