Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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