i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
