she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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