Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
