she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
