my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
