my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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