the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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