please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
