as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
