how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
PANTIES FOUND
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