i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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