I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All the doctor said was why
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