i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
