Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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