Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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