This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
