I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
