If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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