FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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