my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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