Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
