theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Randomize
