security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
