It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize