That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
