i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
