he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
