how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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