What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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