Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
