You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
