Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
