hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone came in the potted fern
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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