he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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